Heart-to-Heart Friday – Treasure Your Friends – Near and Far

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Waiting For A Rainbow: Catching Dreams – Friday 15th May 2015

Bucket List

  • Participate In An Open Mic Night
  • Practise and Travel Independently
  • Go On More Holidays (Local and Aboard)
  • Do Driving Theory and Test
  • Look For Voluntary Weekend Jobs
  • Sign Up For Activities/Volunteer Jobs
  • Talk More Openly About Anxiety Issues
  • Make Sure to Return Library Books on Time
  • Go To Bed At An Earlier Time, Rather than Later
  • Complete Kat Ashley Novel
  • Help Around the House More
  • Do More Drawing and Photography and Zentangles
  • Plan for the Future; Look into Independent Living, Work Places, etc.
  • Work on Anxiety, Drama and Vocal Exercises
  • Cut Down on Fizzy Drinks
  • Study Extra Hard at Drama School
  • Do More Yoga or Mediation
  • Open Up My Imagination A Bit More
  • Don’t Be Afraid to Say “No”
  • Do More Creative Writing
  • Be A Zoo Keeper For A Day
  • Learn to Play Guitar
  • Be Friendly to Everyone
  • Don’t Be Afraid to Share Ideas with Teachers
  • Do Extra Work with UniversalExtra
  • Practise Sign Language Weekly
  • Cook More
  • Be thankful with What I Have or Got
  • Enjoy Life, As It Is
  • Keep On Believing and Never Stop Dreaming

Friday 15th May

Another weekend has officially begun. Well, mine started yesterday. But hey, a weekend is a weekend. This week has been a mixture; there’ve been good days, bad days and some pretty puzzling days.

Monday morning began with a rotten start; I thought I was alone since none of my peers wanted to talk me because they ignored me for reason. But, some of them did talk to me, but their conversations weren’t positive. Mostly annoying. So during a long two hour lunch break, I went to a nearby town near my Drama school and spent my first hour at a Costa coffee shop, where I did my homework. Then, I returned to the school for the second half, where I alarmingly found A, who was looking really pale. He was just recovering from an epileptic fit and Na was looking after him. So, I decided to look after A with Nathan until his mother came to pick him up to take him home. While we were waiting, the three of us talked about random stuff and had a few giggles.

At lunch break on Tuesday, I was doing homework when Da suddenly told me to come outside. In slight confusion, I came into the school’s garden where Na told me turn my back and look at him. A few minutes later, Na told me to look behind me. Then, I saw Da, Jac, A, L, So and a new friend, Ro gathered around in a semi-circle with birthday cake, right in front of them. It was a wonderful surprise, as I discovered that they all planned a surprise belated birthday party for me. Then, I saw a recognisable figure, who was holding a bouquet of red roses in his hand; it was boy who I distanced myself nearly two Christmases ago.

‘Happy Birthday, Georgina and I just want to say, I’m so sorry. Can you forgive me?’

I was in so much shock that I wasn’t sure how to respond. Then, I realised that the feud has gone long enough and he was going to graduate this summer, so I couldn’t stay mad at him for much longer. In the end, I accepted his apology; all of my friends cheered and applauded. Even Na said, ‘I do love a happy ending’. For the rest of the break, we had conversations and had slices of birthday cake. We all had an amazing time.

Then in my dance lesson, my classmates and I had to complete a task – to choreograph dance routines from three slavery poems that’ve been written by members of our year. And in my group, one of my poems, Our Slavery was picked! Although I was happy, I knew my peers were going to alternate the piece either with or without the poem. So, I was taking a big gamble. I stood back and let my group take over, but all of them don’t know that I wrote it. Their ideas, though are pretty amazing and our piece is looking good so far.

On Wednesday, it was Monday morning all over again. Our delivering workshop session didn’t go too well. Nearly all of my classmates didn’t understand the lesson because it wasn’t explained properly and some of them were ill and grumpy. I was so stressed and puzzled that I wanted to go home. Never in all my days at Drama school that I wanted to the weekend to start so quickly.

When I came home, Mum and I had a talk about the boy (who we’ll call Stu). After a discussion, we concluded that even though it was kind of Stu to apologise, its best that we should remain friends and not go out together again. Just in case if he breaks his promise. At the party, he said that he’ll never hurt me again. We even shook hands on it. I have to be careful and aware; otherwise I’ll be back to square one again. I also have be careful of Da, who was really keen for Stu and me to get back together. Does she mean to make us start dating? I hope not; she’s already thinking of organising a reunion party with all of friends. I said I didn’t need the party because seeing my friends is more than enough for me. Hopefully, everything will be alright but I already have a bad feeling in my gut already. Was it the right thing to do? I’m so unsure right now.

Song #1: I’m Not In Love by 10cc – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ln86-fteBOc

This song explains my new feelings towards Stu; it just simply explains my new uncertainty and confusion towards this new step. 

On Thursday evening, I had a vocal rehearsal with two members of Blue Tea Rose, Ellie and Patrick at my house. The rehearsal was complicated; I’ve never done backing vocals before and it was hard to separate my vocals from Ellie’s. So, we all decided that I should stick to two, three or four songs to sing backing vocals and one song I can sing as the lead! So, I’m trying to find songs I could sing with the band backing me. I’m hoping to find one by the next rehearsal because I don’t want to be stuck before our next gig.

I’ve been writing a lot of assignments lately; I discovered this week that I have to complete a two thousand word report on my entire University course and finish it before next year. Although I don’t need to start yet, my learning monitor, and friends have suggested that I should make a start.

Also, my learning monitor is keen for me to learn how to book holidays independently with Ann. I guess she’s keen for me to come out of my shell, which is really good. Plus, I have to write a new bucket list, and bring into our session next week; this list will help me to build my confidence.

Song #2: Move On Up by Curtis Mayfield – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGR9bQh-kpk

This song explains my quest for finding independence and taking the next steps in life.  

That’s pretty much I have to say. Now, I’ll have to sleep and get ready for Ann. Tomorrow, we’re going out for lunch and then to the cinema to see A Royal Night Out. We cannot wait; we should be in for a real treat. 🙂

Waiting For A Rainbow – 1st April

There’ll be times that’ll go wrong; you may feel like a failure. But there’s a light, shining inside of you. That’s your faith telling you, ‘Hey, its okay. Try again cause you will get through this’. And that’s what I’m going to do – try again”.

April 2015

Wednesday 1st April

March didn’t start well; I’ve been emotionally down as the same people who wouldn’t allow me to have my personal space, started violating in order to get my attention (and maybe a reaction).When I have these situations, I do my best to ignore them, but there are some who just wouldn’t leave me alone!The things they do to me are really, really bad. I had my hips grabbed and squeezed very tightly while I was eating my food; this left me in pain for a day,I have had my neck grabbed too, but it felt like someone was attempting to strangle me, I’ve been poked in the back and on one occasion, I’ve had someone, using their elbow to press onto my skull. All of these situations have happened behind the teachers’ backs and when they are lots of people around.

I started to feel frustrated and really anxious, in case they would try and go for me again. Also, I have begun to step away from nearly all my peers and friends, hide in corners, standing near doors and wondering by myself around the school. None of the teachers have noticed my behaviour (yet), but I have told my parents and learning monitor.

When I explain my problems, I would always let them out in frustration because that’s the only way I can let it all out. However, I’ve noticed that Mum was fed up of listening to me lately.She told me that I have been rude and becoming a control freak; instead, she said I should just stop complaining and keep saying “No”, so the people can stop picking on me. I could easily see that Mum’s advice wasn’t going to help because every time I did, they’ll still pick on me.

Song #1: Land Of Confusion by Genesis: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZujuYiweht8

This song explains about my difficulties at Drama school and home, while I’ve been publishing articles on my blog.

At the same time, most of my peers were ignoring me. I then decided to give myself personal space and do creative writing; this caused a lot of attention. And in a good way. I realised that there were really interested and I even got praised for my work. This helped me to boost my confidence. Next, I tried mixing with my peers, politely asking them to join in their conversations. I normally do this, but I usually don’t get a response or just a simple “yeah”. However, they were very accepting; I even had discussions and debates about various subjects. Since then, I’ve not looked back; old friendships have rekindled and new friendships have been made.

12 Angry Men was a huge success. Sometimes, we had a small audience; one show was tiny since we performed on Mother’s Day. Mostly, we had sold out shows and on the opening night, we had a standing ovation, which is very unusual. When the show finished, we had positive feedback from the audience and in our evaluation session. I couldn’t have been more proud.

Song #2: Let In the Sun by Take That: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhG6pZIlhZQ

This song was new at this time and I would frequently listen to it when I was travelling to Drama school. Then, I realised it was a message, telling me to open myself and keep smiling. And I’m glad I did. 🙂

Towards the end of the spring term, I was attempted to participate in a special class at Drama school. This session is called Playhouse. Playhouse allows where students and staff to share their work they’ve done outside of the school; it takes place every term. At the last minute, I submitted a play, (which is early in development). I have written a short monologue. Finding directors and actors weren’t easy but E agreed to perform while another girl in my year agreed to direct. I did manage to find an actress, who agreed to participate as my main character. However, the actress said that she had to do something. Despite that, she said she wanted to do this. Within days leading to the session, I didn’t get any response from the actress when I tried to send things to her. On the day, she didn’t turn up. This meant, I had to leave my piece and I went home.  

Song #3: True Colours by Phil Collins: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4txwNwz_MP8

I would listen to this song whenever I feel down. Although I like Cyndi Lauper’s version, I love this version more because it makes me feel better, like Phil Collins is telling a story. 

Next day, the actress apologised out of the blue and I didn’t know what to do. True, I was worried and stressed that she wasn’t responding to me but I was in a real sticky situation. I asked my Mum for advice; in the end I accepted the actress’ apology and said I was thinking of her.I haven’t seen her since. I learned an important lesson that day. Although these things happen, I just have to accept, carry on and try again.Sometimes, it’s best to forgive others even if it’s hard not to.

On that same afternoon, I went in Drama school for a lesson. I then broke up for Easter.

When I finished my spring term, I did things and I visited people. I took Mum out for a late Mother’s Day dinner with Dad, I went out to dinner with T at our, new local Frankie & Benny’s restaurant, had a few girly day outings with A, went to a lecture in my local library about Elizabeth I and Walter Raleigh; there is a novel about them and the author was presenting it. Also, I had been tidying my bedroom, catching up on my writing, and homework and I did some gardening. I normally don’t do this but one day, I asked Mum if she needed help; in the end, I ended up planting Lily of the Valley bulbs in our back garden. I was so proud of myself.

Now I’m off, I have to focus getting ready for the summer term and prepare for what lies ahead. In March, I learned that T is moving away; I don’t know when she’ll move but I know that I have to spend more time with her beforehand. Also, I have to prepare for my second year. I cannot believe I nearly finished my first year already. And doing this while I catch up on my creative writing and homework. Life’s too short to stand still, so I’m going to take risks and try to make the rest of it.

Song #4: Over the Rainbow by Eva Cassidy: https://vimeo.com/51146842

During March, we had lots of rainy days and rainbows appearing. I guess, they were reminding me that there is still hope and I shouldn’t give up. I grew up with this song and it always reminds me that I should never stop chasing my dreams. This song was the inspiration for the title, “Waiting For A Rainbow”, so I have many reasons to put this in. XD     

What Is A Friend?

Lately, I’ve been reading my followers blogs’ about loneliness. I think they are brave to share their feelings with others when others would not; my heart goes out to them. Also, I’ve been down lately, so I’ve decided to combine the two into this poem; I dedicate this poem to those who share these feelings. No should be alone and in this world, no one is alone. 🙂     

What is a friend

When they aren’t here for you?

Do they leave you some days

Or do they do it to you every day?

What is a friend

If they don’t help you,

Whither you are stuck, confused

Or if you need a shoulder to cry on?

What is a friend

When they push you out?

Do they think it’s cool?

Or are they being cruel?

What is a friend

When they don’t listen?

Do they think about others

Or they think about themselves?

What is a friend

When they aren’t here for you?

Do they see someone else’s feelings

From their point of view,

Or do they stack it on a shelf

And see them by themselves?

© 2015

Welcome

This was a poem, I wrote two years ago for my God Mother after Mum and I went to visit her during the New Year. Although I don’t see my God Mother much, we still have a close bond; she’s like a second mother to me.

I don’t have a lot to say about this one. All I can say is, “welcome”. 🙂

Welcome

 

There are people who turn me away

Because they don’t want to know me;

But, there are others, who are welcoming,

And share their joy and fears with everyone.

 

You are someone

Who makes me feel special,

When I come over and see you.

 

You include me in conversations,

And to take the time to listen.

You were at my side,

While those I know did not.

 

So I want to thank you

For the kindness you share,

The happiness you bring

And the memories we treasure.

© 2015