Waiting For A Rainbow: Catching Dreams – 21st June 2015

Bucket List

  • Participate In An Open Mic Night
  • Practise and Travel Independently
  • Go On More Holidays (Local and Aboard)
  • Do Driving Theory and Test
  • Look For Voluntary Weekend Jobs


  • Sign Up For Activities/Volunteer Jobs


  • Talk More Openly About Anxiety Issues
  • Make Sure to Return Library Books on Time
  • Go To Bed At An Earlier Time, Rather than Later
  • Complete Kat Ashley Novel
  • Help Around the House More
  • Do More Drawing and Photography and Zentangles
  • Plan for the Future; Look into Independent Living, Work Places, etc.
  • Work on Anxiety, Drama and Vocal Exercises
  • Cut Down on Fizzy Drinks
  • Study Extra Hard at Drama School
  • Do More Yoga or Mediation
  • Open Up My Imagination A Bit More
  • Don’t Be Afraid to Say “No”
  • Do More Creative Writing
  • Be A Zoo Keeper For A Day
  • Learn to Play Guitar
  • Be Friendly to Everyone
  • Don’t Be Afraid to Share Ideas with Teachers
  • Do Extra Work with UniversalExtra
  • Practise Sign Language Weekly
  • Cook More
  • Be thankful with What I Have or Got
  • Enjoy Life, As It Is
  • Keep On Believing and Never Stop Dreaming

“Never forget the feelings in your heart when you cross paths”.

June 2015

21st June 2015

In the words of Renee Zellweger, ‘It’s the truth universally acknowledged… that the moment one area of your life starts going OK… another part of it falls spectacularly to pieces’. And these words can’t express the news I’ve received in these last two weeks.

Just as I was settling into my new job, I discovered that Kat is moving away – in three weeks’ time. Since the New Year, I knew she was moving to the Isle of Wight but I didn’t know when, until she’d texted me one night. It was a devastation for me. Since we’ve been little girls, to the huge gap apart, to our reunion a year ago, Kat and I have always been close. With all the other girl friends I have ever had, she has been the most kind, fun and loyal. She wouldn’t hurt me, she shows me how to have fun and I always have good times with her.

When friends and classmates I knew moved away, I felt nothing. Sounds weird? Yes, but that was me. With Kat, it’s different. I have and feel no tears; just great, painful sadness. Although Kat said that she’ll visit me every six months and I can come to visit her. But will our friendship remain the same? That’s the question that has been haunting my mind lately. I haven’t told anyone else (apart from my parents) about this and I don’t know if I want too. Lately, I’ve been trying to cope. Even though life is normal, with the routines and people, I feel everything has changed (or I must be doing a good job of hiding my sadness) and no one seems to notice. Mum wants me to join an autistic social girls group, as usual and there’s more stress over at Drama school. However, Dad has told me that I should give her a present; something I can make myself. So, I will try to do this before Kat moves away, while I’m studying.

Song: I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FacDkraAvlI

This song explains my friendship with Kat; even though I’ll see her again, ‘I Will Remember You’ reflects the memories of Kat and the love I have for her as a true best friend.

Meanwhile, I’ve been extremely busy with work and family. Drama school’s been busy (with my schedule), BHF is exciting; honestly, I look forward to it more than Drama school, I’ve back to visit Blenheim Palace with Ann, and I celebrated Father’s Day at my local zoo with my father, my wonderful brother, sister-in-law and nephews. We’ve had wonderful time and like all weekends, they’ve been memorable. Just like old times with friends…

Racial Stereotype Monologue

Note: This is a monologue I wrote for Drama school. Last term, my class were focusing on including and excluding subjects that the world suffers and in our spare time, we were asked to research and send information that are either inclusive or excluding. I’ve chosen many subjects and some, I’ve written in articles and two monologues. This is my second monologue I have posted online; hope you enjoy it. 🙂  

People believe what they hear. Every day, it’s all the stories are the same – in the papers, on the television and when we have a conversation. These are all rumours, lies… No stereotypes!

There are different racial stereotypes all over the world – Native Americans like gambling, Arabs and Muslims are terrorists, Jews are greedy, etc. The list goes on but what about the people behind the stereotypes?

Some of them are hated, sneered at and abandoned. Why? It’s all down to these bad stereotypes; there is no such thing as a good stereotype because people say negative things about other people’s races. However, no one explains the truth about racial stereotypes. The truth is always hidden; we are all afraid. But, what if the truth can’t always be hidden?

If you look around the room, and especially the person sitting next to you, you’ll see that everyone is different.  If we are all the same it would be boring, wouldn’t it? Not all girls are rubbish at sports. Not all Irish people are drunks. And not all elderly people behave like children.

We still have a lot to learn; we don’t need to keep these stereotypes going. We need to learn, allow others to achieve to see what they can do and integrate with each other.

So, ask yourself; is there anyone who has stereotyped you?

© 2015

IPM Misogyny Stereotype

Note: This is an article I wrote for Drama school. Last term, my class were focusing on including and excluding subjects that the world suffers and in our spare time, we were asked to research and send information that are either inclusive or excluding. I’ve chosen many subjects and some, I’ve written in articles and a monologue. I have updated it so it can be read in the near future. This is my second article from Drama school that I have published online; I’m hoping to do more but I’m really busy at the moment, but I’ll see how it goes beforehand.  

In December 2014, I was listening to the weekly radio programme on BBC Radio 4 called IPM. On one programme, there was an interview with a mother and a young boy called Gus.

In the interview, Gus’ mother tells the reporter that she allows him to play eighteen rated video games at home. She does this because the mother knows Gus won’t copy the violence and inappropriate behaviour when he is off his games console. One day, Gus wanted to buy and play Grand Theft Auto 5; his friends already had the game. However, his mother researched the game online and decided not to buy Auto 5. She explained to Gus that she didn’t want to buy the game because she of the negative reviews about how the game portrays their female characters with misogyny.

After arguing about it, Gus asked his mother that if she didn’t like the women in Auto 5, why the Catholic Church doesn’t allow women to become priests. The mother explained she came from a Catholic background and went to a Catholic school, where she was taught by nuns.

When the interview finished, Gus said he wrote to the creators of Grand Theft about the misogyny they use in the game but said that they haven’t got back to him yet.

When I was listening to the interview, I was shocked and appalled that Gus’ mother allowed him to play video games, which contain violence and sex. In terms of minor law, Gus shouldn’t be allowed to play adult games, even if his mother is buying the games for him. This is an example of bad parenting. Parents should have discipline over her child/children about things that aren’t allowed to use if the child or their children are under age.

However, what is worse about Auto 5 is that the female characters are the subjects of sexual objectification, portraying them as sexy, an ally, a sidekick (to the male protagonist), and a damsel in distress, “uncreative” characters to be laughed, and sneered at or villains. Also, the game Auto 5 has scenes of sexism. This is absolutely disgraceful. What does it show when people play this game?

Women shouldn’t be going off into the streets and showing off so they can impress men. Instead, they should be loyal to their men; their husbands, fathers, guardians, etc. And what has religion got to do with console games? It makes no sense.

In Christian bible, there are rules that teach women how to be respectable towards their men:


Man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for the sake of woman, but woman for the sake of man. For this reason a woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels.

(1 Corinthians 11:3-10)

Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Saviour. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands.

(Ephesians 5:21-30)     

It is clear that men are in charge. They are teachers to the women; they need to be taught to love, honour, and respect the men and need to stay at home instead of going out to night clubs and on the streets. As for women’s rights to become priests, it is out of the question; the church forbids women to take on the role. If a woman is elected to be a priest or the next candidate for pope, it would be humiliating; women are the weaker sex compared to men, who are stronger and wiser. I mean to do such a thing is a crime against nature. Its clear women are not allowed to be priests because of their notorious behaviour and sex.

However, I hate it when videogames like Grand Theft bring feminism. These games portray women (even in the modern day) as weak and unable to fend for themselves. The creators of Auto 5 have made their female characters that way because a lot of male gamers regularly play games like these. But it comes as no surprise that mass media has a history of badly portraying women. There are hardly ever female protagonists in the game; most of them are men. What’s more shocking is that 52% of game console players in the UK are women. Despite the low figures, the development team really have overlooked their female characters.

It was right for Gus’ mother to say “no” to buy Auto 5; it is an insult to modern women. What would children today will learn about women? That all of them are prostitute’s and slaves to men?

What Gus asked about women who aren’t allowed to become priests in the Catholic Church was a rhetorical question; he makes a good point about women’s roles in Catholicism. Although it is difficult to appoint women as priests, there are women who try to make this possible. One example is the story of an ex-Austrian nun named Christine Mayr-Lumetzberger. She used to be a Catholic Nun but was excommunicated by the Vatican in 2003 after being ordained as a priest.

Mayr-Lumetzberger was part a group, full of Catholic women known as the “Danube Seven”. The group choose to take direct action against Catholicism laws by ordaining themselves as priests in secret. When Rome found out, they were angry and excommunicated the women, under instructions from the Bible. In the Catholic Church, excommunication is regarded as a punishment for the extremely bad sinners.  However, this didn’t stop Mayr-Lumetzberger.

Today, she is working as a female priest in Austria and performs Baptisms and Weddings in Catholic churches; she has even performed a funeral beside a male priest. By doing this, Mayr-Lumetzberger is showing the world that Catholic women can be good Catholic priests.

Although Catholic women are not allowed to become priests, Protestant and Anglican churches are. It’s interesting that the Catholic Church have decided to keep their traditional laws; I believe they don’t trust women. The Catholic Church are really falling behind.

When I hear the song “It Is a Man’s World” by James Brown, it reminds me of the pain and suffering women had to go through in the past and who still struggle today. In many parts of the world, women still struggle while the dominant influence of men continue to rise. But, there is still a chance for women to become Catholic priests in the future. And who knows? One day, we will have female priests. Maybe the mass media industry won’t prejudice women and create modern female characters that’ll become heroines in their own right. It is possible but it will be a slow process. Hopefully, it won’t be long because this world would be nothing without women or girls.

My first conclusion to Auto 5 is that the game is being discriminate towards females. But it is no surprise. From what I have read and heard about the characters the Grand Theftcreators have put in is disgusting. It is a shame for such talent to be wasted when they could create female characters with no sex appeal or weak sense of humours.

In my second conclusion, I completely disagree what they show and think about women. Through my mother, I was baptised and later joined the Catholic Church. However, I do not agree with their rules, focusing on women. There is a great opportunity that is being missed by mass media interests and members of the Catholic Church.

However in the article I read about Mayr-Lumetzberger, I heard that Pope Francis is trying to change things, so it could be possible for women to become priests in the Catholic Church:

“It is difficult to start on that road. I hope the presence of people like me make it a little bit easier”, says Mayr-Lumetzberger. “The Catholic Church in general is good. It is just that it is blind in one eye.”

So, I hope there will be an opportunity to see this change very soon and see what the world will look like in fifty years’ time when women will be completely equal to men. The world will properly look different then, but its up to the present to put things right. How will it happen? We don’t know yet for sure; all we can do now is wait, hopefully not for long.

Dream Adventures and Expeditions

Like any young person, I dream to travel the world, learn about new cultures and make new friends. Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve been (in my spare time) researching the Internet, reading books, writing bucket lists and random stuff about travelling.

However, I feel my Autism and Drama studies are in the way. It’s really hard because I have to concrete on my work, as I’m working full time and I don’t have the proper social skills to be prepared; my Mum says I can’t travel independently since I’m not good on buses, trains or taxis if I am on my own. But, I can walk to the local shops near where I live and near Drama school; sometimes I can, but not too far. If I do, I have to walk with a group of friends or my learning motor. It’s frustrating because I see my friends travelling all by themselves, while I’m stuck having public transport or my parents taking me places. I’m learning how to drive at the moment, but will it give me independence? It makes sad as well because I hear my friends making plans to travel aboard in groups and there’s me; the “boring girl” who either stays at home or goes on holiday with family every Christmas, Easter and Summer holidays.

A lot of people think I’m normal and don’t guess that I’m Autistic, unless I tell them or my parents tell them (*EMBARRASSING MOMENT*). It makes me feel comfortable because I know I may be accepted into a group of friends, instead of them thinking I’m some kind of loser who is Autistic and she can’t do anything.

I’m not giving up though; I try and convince my parents to help me travel on public transport on my own or with a group of people. But, I either forget, busy or my parents say “No”. In the meantime, I will keep planning and planning.

As well as world travelling, I’ve been in an expedition, partially scientific. Science isn’t my strongest subject; I like Biology, but I’m more into it than Chemistry and Physics. I like to look at animals, plants, collect samples and do something special like plant a tree. The last time I did something like this was five years ago when I was in Sixth Form (or Senior’s for US followers) when I planted about three trees with a couple of students in a new woodland area, near my old school. I haven’t done anything since.

I want to go in the summer, but I’ve booked a holiday to the OneWorld Festival so I may have to wait next year or a few years. Next year, I graduate Drama school but I have a choice; I can either study an extra year, receiving a BA Degree or I can go off into the big wide world. So, I guess it’ll have to wait for a while.

As many of you guys know, my dream holiday for travelling is Africa but I would really love to travel other places too. So, I have made a list of the places I want to go and what I want to do there:

  • Whale and Dolphin Spotting in California, USA: Whale and Dolphin spotting along the broad beaches in Southern California will be amazing to do. Not only, I would get a chance to see them, I would help researchers into why the whales are being threatened over dangers such as pollution and heavy shipping traffic.
  • Archaeological Dig in Peru: I’ve always wanted to go on an archaeological dig in Peru; however according to my research, there’s an expedition in Huyro, Lucumayo Valley where there is an opportunity to investigate and map out the ancient road network, while working alongside Peruvian archaeologists. Sounds like fun, expect I may have to travel between April and October because between November and February, it’ll be the rainy season. I can live with that, I guess.
  • Teaching Drama to Children in Romania: Performing at Drama school myself, I have always wanted to give back, in return to what my teachers had taught me. And what better way to do that than teaching a Drama class in Romania! Volunteers would be able to lead workshops, coach drama groups and help students to prepare local performance productions in Brasov. However, there’s a slight problem; I’m not a leader (at the moment) and I’m not brilliant at leading groups. But, that might change – it depends if I’m confident enough or not.
  • Work on a Conversation Project in Kenya’s African Savannah: My first African dream trip – the project is in the Kigio Wildlife Reserve. There’ll be opportunities to do some wildlife research, including doing mircro-ecology (studying the gut or stomach) of the Rothschild’s Giraffe. Not sure about this one because I’m not into blood and guts.
  • Volunteer as a Journalist in Cape Town: Sounds an interesting project to take on; if it was to happen, I would be able to work with other volunteers, with a magazine company called the Cape Chameleon. I would also work on another magazine, which is an online global journal called the Voices of the World, which encourages 16 to 25 year olds to express ideas and exchange stories. The only query I have to this is that do I need have a qualification or an interest in Journalism? I have published a few stuff in my school magazine, plus my blog but is that going to be enough?
  • Going on a Riverboat Exploration in the Amazon: In the Amazonian rainforests (in North Eastern Peru), there’ll be a change to help and seeking endangered wildlife, including macaws, primates, otters and bats. However, I HATE piranhas, which is one of the animals that volunteers should be working with. ARGH!
  • What is happening to the Chimpanzee’s in Uganda? Let’s Investigate: That’ll be something I want to solve. This is my last Africa dream trip destination for now. I’ve been fascinated by Chimps for a few years now and like all animals, I believe that saving them from extinction is vitally important. These chimps are living in the rainforests of Uganda and we get to support both chimps and farmers, so they can work together for the chimps to live in peace.

And finally:

  • Australia’s Kola Country: Like working with the chimps in Uganda, volunteers get to work on why climate change is causing change in their natural habit. This project is set in the Great Otway National Park in Victoria.

Well, these are my dream expeditions; hopefully I’ll get to do them but in the meantime, I’ll wait and see. And plan; plan a lot.

So what do you guys think? What is your favourite holiday destination or expedition? Please let me know in the comments section below; I would love to hear from you guys. 🙂

In The Future

This was a poem I wrote last year (properly when I started writing, “Waiting For A Rainbow”). This is basically my poetic dream list of things I want to do in the future. I don’t these things will happen but I’ll guess I will wait and see. 🙂

In The Future


In the future,

I want to travel the world,

See all the landmarks

And embark on many adventures.


I want to fulfil my dreams,

My ambitions and goals;

I want to help children and animals,

As a volunteer, for a year.


I may find love,

Maybe raise a family;

I may teach my children how to love

And how to spread happiness for others.


I want to inspire young people

To go out and support their community,

To help other people

And to make a difference.


© 2015