Waiting For A Rainbow – Catching Dreams – Sunday 24th May 2015

Sunday 24th May

Ever felt that you’ve had an experience, which you have enjoyed but then you feel hurt, embarrassed and shameless about it afterwards? Well, it’s happened to me. Ever since the surprise party, I’ve been the same.

It turns out that I was wrong to give Stuart a second chance and all through these past two weeks, there has been  some pretty crazy stuff, including a organisation for a reunion party, which I didn’t end up going.

This explains why I was upset last Tuesday. I thought I couldn’t do anything but after words of encouragement from my parents and learning monitor, I thought it was time to face my fears. I spoke to someone about my situation with Stuart. And when Dakota asked me if I was going to make contact with him again, I told her, “No because I don’t want too”.

In all honesty, I feel I was deeply hurt by all of this. 

Also, Dakota’s friendship with me is straining when I found out that Stuart was involving her too. It’s really sad because you don’t want this kind of thing to happen. I would expect anything to happen like this, now I don’t know what to think.

Song #1 – Because of You by Kelly Clarkson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTTjLxXFg0k

This song explains my past and present feelings with him. I used to listen to this song a lot when many bad things happened to me and after that Christmas. Listening to it now makes me feel that I was going back to square one again and what I can do again to move on with my life. 

Song #2 – Don’t Speak by No Doubt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONg4SK39-Kg

This song explains my feelings about my friendship with Dakota right now. Even listening to it is making my heart crush. 😦 

If things get emotional this week, I have to be prepared for it. But right, all I need is a holiday, so I can take the weight off of this situation.

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WAITING FOR A RAINBOW – 1ST FEBRUARY 2015 – PART II

On the third, I started performing Peter Pan again and it a really good show. My last show was on the tenth. I had a week off after the last show.

During the half-term, A and I returned to Bletchley Park. Everything there had changed; when we first went to Bletchley, there were dug out holes around the grounds and there wasn’t a lot to see. Now, there is plenty to see; there are restored huts and we got a chance to see them, Alan Turing’s office and a new exhibition where they exhibited the set, costumes and props from The Imitation Game in the mansion. It is amazing.

After Bletchley, A and I had train delays. But, we only had to wait ten minutes before getting a train. We went back to A’s house and I watched a film, Sex and the City. J joined us but decided to watch an American Football match on his iPad instead. After the film, A and I watched a little bit of the match but I couldn’t stop taking my eye off one of the hosts.

“Alright, that’s it, I’m officially fancying American men”, I said in jokey way.

A and I had a really good laugh about it.

Later in the week, I met up with T and had a lunch at our local Pizza Express restaurant. Then, Mum, Dad and I went to see the musical, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels in London’s West End. However, we had a “spanner in the works” day. It started getting a train to London Blackfairs. We missed our scheduled train and had to wait twenty minutes before we could get the next one. After we arrived at Blackfairs, we caught a cab that drove us to the Savoy Theatre. We missed the show by a few minutes but it was alright. The show was really good and enjoyed every moment of it.

The next situation came when we went home. After having dinner at Nando’s and a walk in Trafalgar Square, we travelled back to St Pancras station when we were stopped a huge crowd who were heading towards the barrier; no one could get through. We the reason for the delays that there was incident involving a person, who was hit by a train at West Hampstead Station. So, Mum and Dad decided to take an alternative route. It wasn’t easy; we had to go back on the underground, to a different station and switch two lines. Overall, it took us nearly an hour and a half. We didn’t arrive back home until ten in the evening. It was pretty frustrating; I’m not used to situations like these but it taught me an important lesson – to always stop and ask for help before deciding your alternative route. Luckily, we didn’t have any more spanner in the works days later that week.

And in between the excitement, I tidied up my room and catched up on my homework (as usual).

On the eighteenth, A and I went to St. Albans, Hertfordshire for the day. We did some shopping and had lunch at Nando’s. Then, we went on a tour around St. Albans Abbey; this year, the Abbey is celebrating nine hundred years since its foundation. The Abbey was amazing. It has a mixture of Victorian gothic and medieval structure. But, the room that captivated me was the Lady Chapel; it’s the most beautiful section in the Abbey. A and I would like to come back again later in the year.

I went back to Drama school again on the twenty-first. On the same day, I’ve started rehearsals for the school’s spring show, 12 Angry Men.

On the twenty-fourth, A and I went up to London. In the morning, we went to visit 221b Baker Street – the home of Sherlock Holmes. On the way to the house, we stopped in front of the TFL Lost Property Office. Through the window, there were old antiques that were found on public transport; these included a top hat, a 1930’s iron, left on Bus No. 49 and an early mobile phone. A and I were curious; it was interesting to see antiques that you would never expect to see on public transport and displayed in front of glass window.

Then, we went on a tour around Holmes’ house. I won’t explain all in detail but the house is wonderful. It has fire places with real fire burning inside and real candles, and you can have pictures in the house, wearing Dr Watson and Holmes’ hats.

After lunch at Nando’s, we went to see Shakespeare in Love at the Noël Coward Theatre. It was a really funny play, with a tremendous cast (including the dog), stunning chorography and amazing set. The set was built to look like The Globe Theatre in Shakespeare’s time. At the end of the show, A and I collected white heart-shaped confetti that was used in the wedding scene.

Our favourite part of the day was the play; in our opinion, it was better than the film.

On the thirtieth, I had a photo shoot morning with a professional photographer. The event took place a studio, which was actually an old horse stable, in the middle of the countryside.

The pictures he took were amazing. One minute, I would be dressed in my red dress I wore at the fancy dress party; next, I would be dressed in a white men’s shirt and posing like a 1930’s gangster. It was really fun to do and I enjoyed every moment of it.

Today, it was I’s birthday and to celebrate, he, his parents and I went out for lunch at the Shard in London.

Our original plan was to travel to London Bridge Station; however, I had another spanner-in-the-works day. We couldn’t get onto the Jubilee Line or London St Pancras because of engineering works and flooding between Blackfairs, and London Bridge (Apparently, this has happened for a week). So, we had to take a diversion. In the end, we travelled from West Hampstead, then changed to the Jubilee Line to Finchley Road, the Metropolitan Line to Baker Street, the Circle Line to St Pancras and the Northern Line to London Bridge.

Then, we arrived to the shard and went up into the lift. It took us ten seconds to wait inside; we arrived from the ground to the 32nd Floor; the Oblix Restaurant, where we had our meal. The restaurant was lovely and the staff were very friendly. Although we sat next to the open kitchen, the view we had was incredible.

Where we sat, there breath-taking views of St Pauls, the River Thames, Southwark Cathedral, the BT Tower and the Houses of Parliament. I and I took lots of pictures of Central London from the Shard when we had breaks from our meals.

The food and drinks were nice too. I had gluten-free beard, seared beef, lime, chilli, garlic, and ginger dressing as a starter, rotisserie chicken, as the main and coconut semi-freddo, passion fruit & mango for dessert. For drinks, I had a coke, sprinkling water, a virgin territory Kiwi, apple, ginger, mint cocktail and cups of fresh mint tea.

After dinner, we travelled back home and I got a little tipsy.

I don’t drink alcohol much. But when I do, I go a little crazy; when the train between Baker Street and Finchley Road was bumpy, I ended up dancing on one of the train poles. (Don’t worry, it wasn’t inappropriate) I regret doing it; luckily, I didn’t make a scene.

When we arrived back at I’s house, I and I watched a program called Animals In Love. Then, my parents and I sang “Happy Birthday” to I and watched him blowing out the candles, that were on top of his gluten-free ginger birthday cake. I eat a slice and it wasn’t long before my parents came to pick me up. I had a lovely day; it’s certainly a day to remember, not for me, but for I too.

Lately, I’ve been really down about life. For a few days, there have been friends at Drama school who either wouldn’t give me my personal space or would choose to ignore me when I try to join into conversations.

Why do people do it? Is it in their nature to do, or are they doing it because they think its “cool”?

When I travel back home, I think deep in my thoughts. Why? Am I a bad person? What have I done wrong? Sometimes, it could get emotional. I would get a huge lump in my throat but I would control myself, as I didn’t want to make a scene.

In my mind, I wish to run away and start a new life. However, I know it never solves anything. Instead, I would talk to my parents; they are a few people I can trust.

Mum and Dad have told me that situations like these still happen today; even the older generation share them.It’s surprising that small talk can teach you a lot of things.No person is alone in this world; there is always someone who is an outcast at school, work or home.People will make you invisible, but be calm and keep smiling. If that doesn’t work, you can always tell the truth.Some people (like me) aren’t brave and have difficulty talking about their feelings with loved ones and strangers. If we have the courage, explaining your troubles can change lives.But you have to prepare yourself for what people say about you.Some of their words aren’t true or kind. Be strong; you have a voice that has a right to be heard.

I try, but, I don’t succeed. I guess I’m afraid because I lose my confidence all the time. I have stood up for myself a few times; I know that’s not enough. I wish I could take on my advice…

Song #2 – Lost Stars by Keira Knightly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-5eibAoQD4&spfreload=1

This song explains my thoughts and feelings about my friends; the lyrics truly match the emotions I was going through.

Waiting For A Rainbow – 1st February 2015 – Part III

On the thirtieth, I had a photo shoot morning with a professional photographer. The event took place a studio, which was actually an old horse stable, in the middle of the countryside.

The pictures he took were amazing. One minute, I would be dressed in my red dress I wore at the fancy dress party; next, I would be dressed in a white men’s shirt and posing like a 1930’s gangster. It was really fun to do and I enjoyed every moment of it.

Today, it was I’s birthday and to celebrate, he, his parents and I went out for lunch at the Shard in London.

Our original plan was to travel to London Bridge Station; however, I had another spanner-in-the-works day. We couldn’t get onto the Jubilee Line or London St Pancras because of engineering works and flooding between Blackfairs, and London Bridge (Apparently, this has happened for a week). So, we had to take a diversion. In the end, we travelled from West Hampstead, then changed to the Jubilee Line to Finchley Road, the Metropolitan Line to Baker Street, the Circle Line to St Pancras and the Northern Line to London Bridge.

Then, we arrived to the shard and went up into the lift. It took us ten seconds to wait inside; we arrived from the ground to the 32nd Floor; the Oblix Restaurant, where we had our meal. The restaurant was lovely and the staff were very friendly. Although we sat next to the open kitchen, the view we had was incredible.

Where we sat, there breath-taking views of St Pauls, the River Thames, Southwark Cathedral, the BT Tower and the Houses of Parliament. I and I took lots of pictures of Central London from the Shard when we had breaks from our meals.

The food and drinks were nice too. I had gluten-free beard, seared beef, lime, chilli, garlic, and ginger dressing as a starter, rotisserie chicken, as the main and coconut semi-freddo, passion fruit & mango for dessert. For drinks, I had a coke, sprinkling water, a virgin territory Kiwi, apple, ginger, mint cocktail and cups of fresh mint tea.

After dinner, we travelled back home and I got a little tipsy.

I don’t drink alcohol much. But when I do, I go a little crazy; when the train between Baker Street and Finchley Road was bumpy, I ended up dancing on one of the train poles. (Don’t worry, it wasn’t inappropriate) I regret doing it; luckily, I didn’t make a scene.

When we arrived back at I’s house, I and I watched a program called Animals In Love. Then, my parents and I sang “Happy Birthday” to I and watched him blowing out the candles, that were on top of his gluten-free ginger birthday cake. I eat a slice and it wasn’t long before my parents came to pick me up. I had a lovely day; it’s certainly a day to remember, not for me, but for I too.

Lately, I’ve been really down about life. For a few days, there have been friends at Drama school who either wouldn’t give me my personal space or would choose to ignore me when I try to join into conversations.

Why do people do it? Is it in their nature to do, or are they doing it because they think its “cool”?

When I travel back home, I think deep in my thoughts. Why? Am I a bad person? What have I done wrong? Sometimes, it could get emotional. I would get a huge lump in my throat but I would control myself, as I didn’t want to make a scene.

In my mind, I wish to run away and start a new life. However, I know it never solves anything. Instead, I would talk to my parents; they are a few people I can trust.

Mum and Dad have told me that situations like these still happen today; even the older generation share them.It’s surprising that small talk can teach you a lot of things.No person is alone in this world; there is always someone who is an outcast at school, work or home.People will make you invisible, but be calm and keep smiling. If that doesn’t work, you can always tell the truth.Some people (like me) aren’t brave and have difficulty talking about their feelings with loved ones and strangers. If we have the courage, explaining your troubles can change lives.But you have to prepare yourself for what people say about you.Some of their words aren’t true or kind. Be strong; you have a voice that has a right to be heard.

I try, but, I don’t succeed. I guess I’m afraid because I lose my confidence all the time. I have stood up for myself a few times; I know that’s not enough. I wish I could take on my advice…