9th June 2015
Half-term has been and gone; I had to go into Drama school, but luckily it was only for a day. On the last Friday of May, my Mum and I managed to go away for a small weekend holiday to the South West coast of England. My eldest cousin, Freya lives down there as well as my Uncle and Auntie. They just recently moved after my Uncle came out of retirement last year. Their house is stunning; its in a village, the middle of the countryside, with wondrous landscapes of farmland and (what I think it might be) a deserted part of bridge from an old railway line. It is truly remarkable. For the entire weekend, they have been brilliant hosts; they showed us the nearby towns, beaches and a private bluebell wood on the borders of Somerset where my uncle cuts wood before turning it into furniture or wooden bird boxes. My uncle even took me star gazing; there we saw the moon, and it’s lunar craters, half of Venus, stars tailing behind planets, and patterns (through the microscope; the one star I saw had a beautiful pattern, forming as a Celtic cross) and Jupiter. Jupiter was incredible; looking up close with the White ball and two reddish orange strips, you would think that it was a giant marble.
My weekend away was amazing. I didn’t want to leave; I wanted to say forever and ever. But I couldn’t, as I had to go back to Drama school.
Lately, Drama school has been a fair mixture but at the moment, I’m experiencing some negativity. This negative experience is due to not being respected. Every time I am talking, delivering a speech, etc., I find that my peers are laughing at my warm up vocals (were I yawn loudly and stretch to increase my energy) or laughing at something else, or talking whilst I’m sharing or delivering pieces of work. I’ve been through these situations before when I was at school, so I’m no stranger to being invisible.
Also, I’ve noticed this week and last week that my anxiety have increased unexpectedly. I tired everything; breathing excerises, mediation, etc. But nothing’s working. I don’t know why this keeps on happening – it just appears from out of the blue. Everything like keeping with work, trying to work hard and socialising with my peers whilst working has made me feel stressed, tired and now, I’m ill.
I almost fainted during a dance lesson today, due to anxiety and lack of confidence. Now, I’m in bed, resting. Am I pushing myself too much? Am I lacking in work? I know something’s wrong with me and my world, I feel, is crumbling down, brick by brick. I don’t know what to do – the written work seems fine and my friends are talking to me. I just don’t understand myself.