The Dreams, the Reality and the Truth

It’s been a while since I’ve written a post but it’s good to do it again. It’s never easy when you are catching up with your studies, doing YouTube videos and – other things. Time is precious thing and I want to make every moment count. That’s why I wanted to write about collaborations between dreams and reality. Mine are complicated; full of secrets, locked inside me and barriers daring to not break them – but I will.

All my life, I have always dreamt of surprising everyone. So far in my short lifetime, no one would really believe I could to anything because of my disabilities. To them, that was a sign that my loved ones should completely give up on me – I was nothing. By chance, I managed to prove them wrong. I’ve been to mainstream schools, I’ve learnt how to read, and write, I came out with GCSE’s (not fantastic results, but it’s still something), and A Levels, I’m in my final year at University, I set up a blog, I set up a YouTube Channel and now, I have a few projects in the works. I won’t give them away though. Sorry.

However, there are still may that I have to tackle; I’m sure my loved ones don’t mean to crush my spirits or tell me I shouldn’t do anything because I’m not “experienced enough”. Sometimes, I do get angry and emotional, forcing myself to shut away from the world. And it’s okay because you don’t have to be a person who smiles all the time – I get that compliment a lot as my parents taught me to be happy.

These emotions do teach me something though. Every day when I get up in the morning, I would always listen to Coldplay’s Yellow – although the song’s about one-sided love, it represents my view of the world. I don’t really understand and to be honest, I never will. But what if you create your own world and make it your oyster? It’s something that I am working on.

If parents tell you to not upload something on the Internet, go for it. (As long it’s clean though – no dirty stuff!) If teachers say that you won’t get far, prove them wrong – take courage, focus and study the subjects your love till your last breath. If someone says that you’re “not good enough”, stand up and let your inner voice be your guide. Everything is worth risking for, even the lifestyle you have for many years. I’m happy to be living penniless for a novel that’s worth publishing for. I’m happy to be travelling around the world on my own when I move out. I’m happy to save others rather than myself. And I’m happy to be different – even if I make the occasional mistakes.

This is my world and this is how I’m going to live it.

 

I know this is a short post but I wanted to get this off my mind – and my chest. It’s something that I’ve always to write for a while. Pathetic, I know but like I said before, I’m letting my inner voice be my guide.

 

Anyway, must be off. I have a lot of catching up to do. But just remember that if you are lost or alone, just pause, think and mediate. I may not be able to change you but I know that I trust you to follow your own path.

Sez 

xxx

Waiting For A Rainbow – Catching Dreams – Monday 25th May 2015

Monday 25th May

All this talk of bad experiences yesterday has made me realise something – that no matter how tough life is, you’ve got those who will make you smile.

At Drama school, I have some who do just that. It’s important because when we get to our second year and perform a final show together next summer, we have to be strong and make each day count. Sure, we will have our good days or bad, but we need to always be with each other. Whither it’s cheering someone up when they have stage fright, help with stage movements (without arguing or getting annoyed with them) or just simply smiling and be friendly.

The other day, I felt extremely sick after I overdid myself. When some of my peers realised this, they came to the rescue. They brought me a glass of water to drink, fanned me, and poured water onto my neck to cool me down, checked to see if I was alright and stayed with me until my Dad came to pick me up. They’re really thoughtful to do this and they didn’t have to. But since they insisted, I could I say “no”? Poor Jacob looked in shock when one of the teachers had asked me to fetch me water. I could tell he was worried because he had never seen me sick before. Bless him, though; he’s got a heart of gold just like all the others who helped. 😊

However, it’s also important to consider standing up for yourself, which is the process I’m doing right now. It may not be easy but it’s the risk I have to take. You can do this, Georgina Latimer. You can do this! 😊

Waiting For A Rainbow: Catching Dreams – Friday 15th May 2015

Bucket List

  • Participate In An Open Mic Night
  • Practise and Travel Independently
  • Go On More Holidays (Local and Aboard)
  • Do Driving Theory and Test
  • Look For Voluntary Weekend Jobs
  • Sign Up For Activities/Volunteer Jobs
  • Talk More Openly About Anxiety Issues
  • Make Sure to Return Library Books on Time
  • Go To Bed At An Earlier Time, Rather than Later
  • Complete Kat Ashley Novel
  • Help Around the House More
  • Do More Drawing and Photography and Zentangles
  • Plan for the Future; Look into Independent Living, Work Places, etc.
  • Work on Anxiety, Drama and Vocal Exercises
  • Cut Down on Fizzy Drinks
  • Study Extra Hard at Drama School
  • Do More Yoga or Mediation
  • Open Up My Imagination A Bit More
  • Don’t Be Afraid to Say “No”
  • Do More Creative Writing
  • Be A Zoo Keeper For A Day
  • Learn to Play Guitar
  • Be Friendly to Everyone
  • Don’t Be Afraid to Share Ideas with Teachers
  • Do Extra Work with UniversalExtra
  • Practise Sign Language Weekly
  • Cook More
  • Be thankful with What I Have or Got
  • Enjoy Life, As It Is
  • Keep On Believing and Never Stop Dreaming

Friday 15th May

Another weekend has officially begun. Well, mine started yesterday. But hey, a weekend is a weekend. This week has been a mixture; there’ve been good days, bad days and some pretty puzzling days.

Monday morning began with a rotten start; I thought I was alone since none of my peers wanted to talk me because they ignored me for reason. But, some of them did talk to me, but their conversations weren’t positive. Mostly annoying. So during a long two hour lunch break, I went to a nearby town near my Drama school and spent my first hour at a Costa coffee shop, where I did my homework. Then, I returned to the school for the second half, where I alarmingly found A, who was looking really pale. He was just recovering from an epileptic fit and Na was looking after him. So, I decided to look after A with Nathan until his mother came to pick him up to take him home. While we were waiting, the three of us talked about random stuff and had a few giggles.

At lunch break on Tuesday, I was doing homework when Da suddenly told me to come outside. In slight confusion, I came into the school’s garden where Na told me turn my back and look at him. A few minutes later, Na told me to look behind me. Then, I saw Da, Jac, A, L, So and a new friend, Ro gathered around in a semi-circle with birthday cake, right in front of them. It was a wonderful surprise, as I discovered that they all planned a surprise belated birthday party for me. Then, I saw a recognisable figure, who was holding a bouquet of red roses in his hand; it was boy who I distanced myself nearly two Christmases ago.

‘Happy Birthday, Georgina and I just want to say, I’m so sorry. Can you forgive me?’

I was in so much shock that I wasn’t sure how to respond. Then, I realised that the feud has gone long enough and he was going to graduate this summer, so I couldn’t stay mad at him for much longer. In the end, I accepted his apology; all of my friends cheered and applauded. Even Na said, ‘I do love a happy ending’. For the rest of the break, we had conversations and had slices of birthday cake. We all had an amazing time.

Then in my dance lesson, my classmates and I had to complete a task – to choreograph dance routines from three slavery poems that’ve been written by members of our year. And in my group, one of my poems, Our Slavery was picked! Although I was happy, I knew my peers were going to alternate the piece either with or without the poem. So, I was taking a big gamble. I stood back and let my group take over, but all of them don’t know that I wrote it. Their ideas, though are pretty amazing and our piece is looking good so far.

On Wednesday, it was Monday morning all over again. Our delivering workshop session didn’t go too well. Nearly all of my classmates didn’t understand the lesson because it wasn’t explained properly and some of them were ill and grumpy. I was so stressed and puzzled that I wanted to go home. Never in all my days at Drama school that I wanted to the weekend to start so quickly.

When I came home, Mum and I had a talk about the boy (who we’ll call Stu). After a discussion, we concluded that even though it was kind of Stu to apologise, its best that we should remain friends and not go out together again. Just in case if he breaks his promise. At the party, he said that he’ll never hurt me again. We even shook hands on it. I have to be careful and aware; otherwise I’ll be back to square one again. I also have be careful of Da, who was really keen for Stu and me to get back together. Does she mean to make us start dating? I hope not; she’s already thinking of organising a reunion party with all of friends. I said I didn’t need the party because seeing my friends is more than enough for me. Hopefully, everything will be alright but I already have a bad feeling in my gut already. Was it the right thing to do? I’m so unsure right now.

Song #1: I’m Not In Love by 10cc – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ln86-fteBOc

This song explains my new feelings towards Stu; it just simply explains my new uncertainty and confusion towards this new step. 

On Thursday evening, I had a vocal rehearsal with two members of Blue Tea Rose, Ellie and Patrick at my house. The rehearsal was complicated; I’ve never done backing vocals before and it was hard to separate my vocals from Ellie’s. So, we all decided that I should stick to two, three or four songs to sing backing vocals and one song I can sing as the lead! So, I’m trying to find songs I could sing with the band backing me. I’m hoping to find one by the next rehearsal because I don’t want to be stuck before our next gig.

I’ve been writing a lot of assignments lately; I discovered this week that I have to complete a two thousand word report on my entire University course and finish it before next year. Although I don’t need to start yet, my learning monitor, and friends have suggested that I should make a start.

Also, my learning monitor is keen for me to learn how to book holidays independently with Ann. I guess she’s keen for me to come out of my shell, which is really good. Plus, I have to write a new bucket list, and bring into our session next week; this list will help me to build my confidence.

Song #2: Move On Up by Curtis Mayfield – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGR9bQh-kpk

This song explains my quest for finding independence and taking the next steps in life.  

That’s pretty much I have to say. Now, I’ll have to sleep and get ready for Ann. Tomorrow, we’re going out for lunch and then to the cinema to see A Royal Night Out. We cannot wait; we should be in for a real treat. 🙂

WAITING FOR A RAINBOW: CATCHING DREAMS – SUNDAY 10TH MAY 2015

“I’m ready to come out of my shell and face the world; how am I going to do it, I just don’t know”.

May 2015

Sunday 10th May

Well, here goes the end of another weekend; time to bring on another working week. Argh! This weekend has been very productive.

Yesterday, I went shopping and I had Pret a Manger lunch with my Mum. Today, I went to Oxburgh Hall in Norfolk with Ann. And oh my goodness, the hall is beautiful.

Oxburgh is full of English countryside with lambs, and kids, trees, dens, rivers, dams and wooden cravings. The hall is beautiful too; it has very fine Medieval, Tudor and Victorian architecture. The hall even has a priest hole where visitors can go into, but it’s a very tight corner. I went inside and I took a long time to get out as I took so many pictures of the hole. After I go out, Ann was tempted to go in, but she didn’t; that was when I discovered Ann’s fear of tight corners. I don’t blame her to be honest. If you feel claustrophobic, you shouldn’t feel or be pressured to do things you don’t want to.

In between our day out, Ann and I played games after we had a picnic lunch. There was a games cupboard where visitors can play within the grounds. The games we played were noughts and crosses, jenga and ring toss. Also, we sang along to songs (mostly Motown) when we travelled to the hall and back home. Gosh, it’s so much fun having a cousin; we generally have a blast.

Song #1: Dancing in the Street by Martha and the Vandellas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWS1j7ezqTg

This favourite, upbeat song of mine is one of the songs Ann and I played on our playlist. Originally  this was the likely song I was going to use to conclude ‘Waiting For A Rainbow’, but I’ve put it there as it shows that this song is opening it’s new doors to me. Every time I listen, I love to imagine myself, walking alone in a street into the setting sun, underneath a lamp post. I don’t know why, but that’s my imagination. He-he. 🙂

DSC_1043_2

Oxburgh Hall

DSC_1057_1

One of the moat bridges, near the estate

DSC_1207_2

16th Century tapestry, hand-made by Mary Queen of Scots  

DSC_1235_1

Entrance to the Priest Hole…

DSC_1349

One of the woodland walks

DSC_1394_2

DSC_1395_2

Some of the flowers in the kitchen gardens

In between work, Ann and home, I’ve been planning on possible future holidays; Ann and I are thinking of going away on a weekend holiday to Liverpool in the summer holidays. We’ve been talking about it for a year and I cannot wait to go (if we can the plans in full swing). Also, I’m still trying to find holiday groups and NAS support workers who I could travel with for holidays too. I’m not sure how it’ll go, but I hope I’ll soon be coming out of my shell no time soon.

Song #2: I’m Coming Out by Diana Ross: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbYcte4ZEgQ

This song explains me, bringing out my confidence and bringing more positive experiences into my life. 🙂

This song explains about me, slowly coming out of my shell in my study and social lives. And truly, I want the world to know and I’m going to let it show! 😉

Waiting For A Rainbow: Catching Dreams – Friday 8th May 2015

Friday 8th May

…And the Conservative Party have won. It certainly has been an indecisive election but it ended with surprising results. However if there’s one rule that you shouldn’t break if you are a Drama student; never, ever discuss politics.

To my discomfort, many of my friends had asked me who I voted for before I started lessons today. When I answered (while pretending to be confident), I got a negative response. One of them even tried to start a debate about why the party she voted for was better than mine. It was so embarrassing.

So from this day forth, I’ll never speak a word of politics again, outside the house.

Throughout the past two days (yesterday and today), I’ve been working and looking. I’ve made a chores list and I’m going through them; I’ve already completed some, but I’ve still got a long way to go:

Things to Do

Analyse Physical Theatre lesson: what bits of movement did I remember, how was it, etc.?

Find a folder to put Physical Theatre stuff in

Waiting For A Rainbow, blog #2

Research prices for local bus transport

Research group/individual holidays and NAS Supporter Worker Assistant

Look for voluntary weekend jobs

Look into Special Olympics swimming lessons

Use Olympus a lot more in all classes!

Type and send anxiety workshops ideas to Drama school

And while I’m preparing for the road ahead, all I can say is that I’m not afraid of adventure. 🙂

Song #1: Best Year by Callaghan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJMdKllm0tc

This song, in the words of Callaghan, are about following your dreams and taking chances. I think it sums it all, as I’m doing just about that. 🙂