The Dreams, the Reality and the Truth

It’s been a while since I’ve written a post but it’s good to do it again. It’s never easy when you are catching up with your studies, doing YouTube videos and – other things. Time is precious thing and I want to make every moment count. That’s why I wanted to write about collaborations between dreams and reality. Mine are complicated; full of secrets, locked inside me and barriers daring to not break them – but I will.

All my life, I have always dreamt of surprising everyone. So far in my short lifetime, no one would really believe I could to anything because of my disabilities. To them, that was a sign that my loved ones should completely give up on me – I was nothing. By chance, I managed to prove them wrong. I’ve been to mainstream schools, I’ve learnt how to read, and write, I came out with GCSE’s (not fantastic results, but it’s still something), and A Levels, I’m in my final year at University, I set up a blog, I set up a YouTube Channel and now, I have a few projects in the works. I won’t give them away though. Sorry.

However, there are still may that I have to tackle; I’m sure my loved ones don’t mean to crush my spirits or tell me I shouldn’t do anything because I’m not “experienced enough”. Sometimes, I do get angry and emotional, forcing myself to shut away from the world. And it’s okay because you don’t have to be a person who smiles all the time – I get that compliment a lot as my parents taught me to be happy.

These emotions do teach me something though. Every day when I get up in the morning, I would always listen to Coldplay’s Yellow – although the song’s about one-sided love, it represents my view of the world. I don’t really understand and to be honest, I never will. But what if you create your own world and make it your oyster? It’s something that I am working on.

If parents tell you to not upload something on the Internet, go for it. (As long it’s clean though – no dirty stuff!) If teachers say that you won’t get far, prove them wrong – take courage, focus and study the subjects your love till your last breath. If someone says that you’re “not good enough”, stand up and let your inner voice be your guide. Everything is worth risking for, even the lifestyle you have for many years. I’m happy to be living penniless for a novel that’s worth publishing for. I’m happy to be travelling around the world on my own when I move out. I’m happy to save others rather than myself. And I’m happy to be different – even if I make the occasional mistakes.

This is my world and this is how I’m going to live it.


I know this is a short post but I wanted to get this off my mind – and my chest. It’s something that I’ve always to write for a while. Pathetic, I know but like I said before, I’m letting my inner voice be my guide.


Anyway, must be off. I have a lot of catching up to do. But just remember that if you are lost or alone, just pause, think and mediate. I may not be able to change you but I know that I trust you to follow your own path.



Goal Achieved?!

At the start of the New Year, I recorded a small video for what was to be my first collaboration! The video (put together and uploaded by a wonderfully talented YouTuber Deanishes) was about what was on a small YouTubers top bucket list item for 2016. To see, click here: I added a video to a @YouTube playlist Small Youtubers | BUCKET LIST COLLAB

Yep, my top bucket list item was to write a novel. But before this video was uploaded, I’ve done something unthinkable. I started writing the novel.

I’m not allowed to reveal it (under my own terms), but I can give away one hint: it is based on the fairytale Beauty and the Beast, which is one of my favourite fairytales.

I’m so excited about it, even though I have I only wrote five full chapters because I’m finally doing something that I love.

Sorry for the short post. I promise that I’ll update you when I can. Until then, keep dreaming and believing.

Sez xx

New Term, New Me

This week has been really busy. After returning to school with a first week of rehearsals, I’m now back rehearsing and studying. Honestly, I don’t know how I can keep up with myself. It can be hard when you are a student, a YouTuber and Blogger under one belt but once you get used to it, it’ll all be fine.

Since I have started again for the Spring term, I have decided to renew myself by scheduling a life plan. It was recommended to me by my Support Worker, after we discussed what targets I would like to achieve within the Next Year. Sounds like a good idea, but it’s not as easy as you think it might be. All it takes (normally) is courage and inspiration. To do that, all you have to do is open your inner self.

Life isn’t easy, nor is a personality change. And is taking the easy road the only option in everyone’s lifetime? In reality, it’s not because when you think about it, changing yourself can be a new self discovery. The world has available choices for us; to decide who we want to be and what we want during our lifetime. And they don’t call it a challenge for nothing. Most famous people we know had to face many challenges to get where they are today. So, why should we let our same, old selves get in the way of our dreams?

Although I am in the middle stage, I feel that I want to carry on and explore myself a bit more. Studying, fashion; you name it. And I want to share this journey with you.

So, here are my top new changes I want to do this year.

Read a Good, Commutative Self-Help Book

Already got it in the bag. 😉 At the moment, I’m reading Be Your Own Fairytale by Alison Davies, who helps readers gain their confidence, through fairytales. Very good, and highly recommend it especially if you are into fairytales.

Keep a Journal

Again, got it in the bag. I always keep a few journals, plus my blog.

Try to Reach Out of Your Comfort Zone

Going through this process, at the moment. But mostly in Drama school. I want to try and be the best I can be, by going out of my comfort zone.

Be Inspired

This aim is a tricky one. However, I’m trying to be inspired by reading. I’m keen to study characters who have silmar lives to me like Harriet from the Geek Girl Series and Penny from the Girl Online Series. Then with the situations they go through and how they deal with them, I can reflect mine and see how I can resolve them as well.

Write a Life Plan

Nearly finished on this one. Before I started, I found a very useful How To page by wikihow that gave advice on how to draw one up:

And I’ve never looked back.

Try to Be Honest About Myself

A work in progress.

A new me and a new start. An excellent progress if I do say so myself.

Now, it’s over to you. Are you looking to start any new targets? If so, what would you like to achieve and why? I would love to hear your aims for this year.

That’s all for now and don’t forget to look out for my YouTube channel and blog this February for new posts. 😃


What I Want to Achieve and Look Forward Too in 2016

Happy New Year, all your lovely readers!

Hope you are enjoying your 2016 so far (even though it’s in melted snow).

For me, a New Year is all about changes and adventure. It is also a exciting moment, were you want to plan to achieve new aims and what you are looking forward to.

I have already made a video of what I want to achieve, but I haven’t done a lot of aims. So if you want to get a head start before continuing, please click the link here:


This post is inspired by thatsobee, who did a beautiful post of her travel bucket list. If you want to check it out, please click and follow her. She is a fabulous blogger and YouTuber who is passionate about her channel and writing. She’s currently in hospital at the moment and with well wishes, I am dedicating this post to her. Get well soon, lovely. 🙂


What I Want to Achieve

  • Carry on with my YouTube Channel

Since I started my channel last September, I have been obsessed with recording and making videos. However, I’ve been bad with uploading new vlogs lately because I was on a break from Drama school and have been catching with friends before I return for the Spring term.  So to discipline myself as well as targeting to stay on top of my classwork, I have decided to span two weeks by uploading a video one week and a post the next. This will mean that it’ll give me time to prepare for a new video on my channel, but still keep active on my blog – just a week apart from each other.

Aside from the schedule, I want to be able to do collaborations with other YouTubers and share some of my hidden talents (which I’m going to reveal, until I show them to you).

  •   Explore, Explore, Explore


As you know, I’m a keen adventurer and I would like to see the world. I have never seen the world (apart from the UK) for a few years and I am very keen to learn cultures, history and wildlife. The places I want to travel this year are:

  1. Belfast, Ireland
  2. Bath, England
  3. Disneyworld, Florida, America
  4. New York City, America
  5. Washington D.C, America
  6. Africa
  7. Venice, Italy
  8. Vienna, Italy
  9. Naples, Italy
  10. The Great Barrier Reef, Australia




  • Studying Online

Yesterday, I have started a free course on the Future Learn website. This course is called Explore Animation, where participants can learn how to create stop motion, 2D, big-scale and CGI animation. I have already completed week 1 and working my way to week 2; it’s a four week course, so it’s not long before I will complete the course.

But, I am keen to learn more online courses. Not just from the creative side, but from the historical and biological ones too as I am keen to to learn more about my four favourite subjects, which are Literature, History, Biology and of course, Performing Arts.


  • Keep Up to Date with my Blog

… I’m not going to contain my shame of my less active life on my blog. It’s so embarrassing


What I’m Looking Forward Too

  • Summer in the City

It was one of the main things that I wanted to do and now, I’m getting a chance to go! This will be my first Summer in the City event and honestly, I am really nervous (but excited at the same time). And what do I hope for following the event in August? New friends and lasting memories. 🙂

  • OneWorld

After last year’s amazing holiday, I am very excited (as always) to return to the festival. We haven’t booked yet, but I am excited to see everyone again and participate in old and new lessons, such as the Comedy Improvisation. If I return, it’ll be my sixth year (which I still cannot believe!). So, it will be a absolute, but spiritual shocker.

  • Graduation

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And finally, the big one. It’s hard to believe that four years ago, I started Drama school. In these years, I have studied, and graduated the BTEC Dipolma course and began studying the Foundation Degree course. Now, my time as an Foundation Degree student will soon draw to the end this summer. What will I be sad? Of course. And what will I take away from my experience? All the things I’ve learned, including the Inclusive environment that I have …

However, I have been planning of what will happen next year and my first choice is to stay on and do their top up year BA Hons Degree course. I have heard good reviews about the course and it excites me to learn more about the Performing Arts Industry, through the eyes of my school. But if it doesn’t work out, I’ll properly find a job.

They say that everything happens for a reason, and for me, (not matter what happens) I’ll survive.


Well, that’s all for now. But don’t forget, if you want to subscribe to my channel, please check out. I would really appreciate it. 🙂

Take care for now,

Sez Xxxx


YouTube: actingmylife

Twitter: actingmylife211


Dream Big #1 – Becoming a Joint Author with Favourite Authors

I love reading books from each category and by my favourite authors. From them, I’ve been inspired to dream to write a duet novel. However despite my one of my main, big dreams, I have also wanted to be a joint author, share ideas and write a novel with my favourite author/s. I think it’ll be interesting and really, really fun. It will be an honour to work with these amazing people.

So, here they are my top five authors who I want to write a joint novel with.

  • Helen Fielding – I love all her Bridget Jones works (I’ll be publishing her latest Bridget Jones novel very soon); her writings have a lot of charm, character and creativity.
  • Zoe Sugg – Girl Online was a huge favourite of mine; I became over excited by Zoe’s wonderful story setting and characters.
  • Philippa Gregory – I love Philippa’s Historic stories, mostly her Medieval and Tudor series – they are truly remarkable.
  • Robin Maxwell – I adored Jane: the Woman who Loved Tarzan – it is wonderfully and thoughtfully written, which made me smile.
  • Holly Smale – Like Helen Fielding, Holly’s Geek Girl series have made me uplifted with laughter; it is also very powerful and beautiful.


So that was my list for writing novels with joint authors. 🙂

Waiting For A Rainbow: Catching Dreams: 23rd August

Bucket List

  • Participate In An Open Mic Night
  • Practise and Travel Independently
  • Go On More Holidays (Local and Aboard)
  • Do Driving Theory and Test
  • Look For Voluntary Weekend Jobs
  • Sign Up For Activities/Volunteer Jobs
  • Talk More Openly About Anxiety Issues
  • Make Sure to Return Library Books on Time
  • Go To Bed At An Earlier Time, Rather than Later
  • Complete Kat Ashley Novel
  • Help Around the House More
  • Do More Drawing and Photography and Zentangles
  • Plan for the Future; Look into Independent Living, Work Places, etc.
  • Work on Anxiety, Drama and Vocal Exercises
  • Cut Down on Fizzy Drinks
  • Study Extra Hard at Drama School
  • Do More Yoga or Mediation
  • Open Up My Imagination A Bit More
  • Don’t Be Afraid to Say “No”
  • Do More Creative Writing
  • Be A Zoo Keeper For A Day
  • Learn to Play Guitar
  • Be Friendly to Everyone
  • Don’t Be Afraid to Share Ideas with Teachers
  • Do Extra Work with UniversalExtra
  • Practise Sign Language Weekly
  • Cook More
  • Be thankful with What I Have or Got
  • Enjoy Life, As It Is
  • Keep On Believing and Never Stop Dreaming

23rd  August 2015

Haven’t written an entry in a while (really bad of me, I know); I’ve been constantly distracted by my blog, as I am trying to expand it a little bit more; I have also been away on holidays to the South West, including making my return to the OneWorld Festival – I had a expectational time! I even made new friends this year, and made contact with them. I feel like the happiest girl in the world. 🙂 And on top of this, I have been planning and planning: schedules to meet friends and researching presents for upcoming birthdays. Although I’m trying to keep myself busy, I feel my life is going down hill; again.

It all started while I was down on holiday to Dorset – for weeks and weeks, Dad has been practising for the next gig for Blue Tea Rose, which is next week. As the first one was a complete success, the band decided that I should sing a solo of my own! So between May and this month, I’ve been trying to something. In the end, Dad and I went with Valerie by the great, late Amy Winehouse. I was so excited and couldn’t wait to practise with the band. However, while we were away, I noticed Dad’s change of decision. I began to realise that he begun to attend to rehearsals without me, saying I wasn’t needed. So while we were away, I asked him, ‘Why?’

He told me that there was no point of me singing because I cannot sing the correct backing vocals. ‘You keep on reaching the same notes as the lead singer and you’re not supposed to do that’.

I then told him very calmly, ‘I know I struggle and its hard, but I try. If only you could have let me go to more rehearsals and give me a chance, I’ll learn to be better backing vocalist’.

‘No, it’s not possible’.

And that was that; Dad concluded the conversation, with no explanation; and through this, I knew that was the end of my career with Blue Tea Rose. And you know what, I have never been so disappointed about my father before – losing faith in his own daughter is the most heart-breaking thing a human being can imagine. And the worst part of it is that I’ve got the chance to make my own decision or saying goodbye to all of the band members, who’ve been so kind to me.

Next, came Universal Extra. During the summer, I tried my hardest to gain my experience, as an actor, to sign up to any job I can find. So far, I’ve found nothing. I came close once, but I got rejected before I was given the chance. I was okay with it at first, as I learned that the Performing Arts industry is a tough business. Now, I’m not so sure.

Finally, the online dating. Since joining, I’ve had a number of people following and chatting to me, but conversations with them have only lasted between a day and two weeks. Apart from one (but I’m not entirely sure how long it will last, since this person lives aboard – in Italy in fact). I’m trying to keep strong and have faith on this matter; but, I’m not sure what to do.

Writing and thinking about them is making me cry (right now). 😦

I’m lost; I want to try and improve myself, but I’m not sure how. I’ve always asked advice from close loved ones, but they have always given me the same answers – ‘Don’t change who you are’, ‘Don’t get angry’ and ‘Don’t change your friends; we like them’ (despite the fact I tell them about my struggles of living under their shadows like telling me things that I feel uncomfortable doing). What do I do when I’m older? Have a mid-life crisis and not get over it?

So, I’ve decided that I have to find a way to push myself, since I know no one’s gonna help me. I cannot stand being in someone else’s shadows any more. I need to act!

Should I Publish a Novel?

Lately, something’s been on my mind. I don’t know why but I just have to get this thought out of my mind.

I want to achieve an aspiration – I want to publish a novel. But I have several questions that keep stirring around:

  • What story should I publish? Should I publish something from that’s already on my blog (like the Waiting For a Rainbow series)? Or should I start from scratch?
  • Should I find an agent or self-publish?
  • If I do find an agent, should I go with one or vary a little?

So that’s my aspiration on publishing and my thoughts about it.

Bit of a strange post but that’s me; I post a lot of strange posts.

Gigi Xxx