When things bring you down,
There’ll be times when you’ll get up again;
Soon, you’ll have the world at your feet,
‘Cause you, my friend, have got the beat. 🙂
￼This was a quote (that someone wrote in berry juice) I took a picture of. I really agree with this statement as it symbolizes how we live in this world.
Why do you laugh at me?
When I’m working very hard?
Do you think something’s funny?
When I’m trying to work and do my part?
Why do you laugh at something else?
When I’m trying to push, show and share?
Your laughter is making me feel anxious
And I carry more weight than I can bear.
I’ve lost faith and hope,
No matter how I tried;
“It’s no use”, I said,
So, I broke down and cried.
So the next time you see me,
Just let to let you know,
If you are going to laugh and crow,
Stop, think and see
The girl and her feelings (even though you can’t see).
9th June 2015
Half-term has been and gone; I had to go into Drama school, but luckily it was only for a day. On the last Friday of May, my Mum and I managed to go away for a small weekend holiday to the South West coast of England. My eldest cousin, Freya lives down there as well as my Uncle and Auntie. They just recently moved after my Uncle came out of retirement last year. Their house is stunning; its in a village, the middle of the countryside, with wondrous landscapes of farmland and (what I think it might be) a deserted part of bridge from an old railway line. It is truly remarkable. For the entire weekend, they have been brilliant hosts; they showed us the nearby towns, beaches and a private bluebell wood on the borders of Somerset where my uncle cuts wood before turning it into furniture or wooden bird boxes. My uncle even took me star gazing; there we saw the moon, and it’s lunar craters, half of Venus, stars tailing behind planets, and patterns (through the microscope; the one star I saw had a beautiful pattern, forming as a Celtic cross) and Jupiter. Jupiter was incredible; looking up close with the White ball and two reddish orange strips, you would think that it was a giant marble.
My weekend away was amazing. I didn’t want to leave; I wanted to say forever and ever. But I couldn’t, as I had to go back to Drama school.
Lately, Drama school has been a fair mixture but at the moment, I’m experiencing some negativity. This negative experience is due to not being respected. Every time I am talking, delivering a speech, etc., I find that my peers are laughing at my warm up vocals (were I yawn loudly and stretch to increase my energy) or laughing at something else, or talking whilst I’m sharing or delivering pieces of work. I’ve been through these situations before when I was at school, so I’m no stranger to being invisible.
Also, I’ve noticed this week and last week that my anxiety have increased unexpectedly. I tired everything; breathing excerises, mediation, etc. But nothing’s working. I don’t know why this keeps on happening – it just appears from out of the blue. Everything like keeping with work, trying to work hard and socialising with my peers whilst working has made me feel stressed, tired and now, I’m ill.
I almost fainted during a dance lesson today, due to anxiety and lack of confidence. Now, I’m in bed, resting. Am I pushing myself too much? Am I lacking in work? I know something’s wrong with me and my world, I feel, is crumbling down, brick by brick. I don’t know what to do – the written work seems fine and my friends are talking to me. I just don’t understand myself.
I hadn’t realised until this morning that I hadn’t posted anything for nearly two weeks. I sorry for my disappearance; Drama school has been crazy and I had a lot of work to catch up on. Honesty, I can’t cope at the moment as there are too many things going in my social and academic lives – it’s been really stressful. So, I’ve been trying to find ways to improve, such as taking long strolls, doing work outside of Drama school during my free periods, seeing friends, and applying for activities and internships outside of Drama school. Some things have helped but not a lot, much to my bitter disappointment.
I’m going to sound like an idiot for saying this, but I feel like a damsel in distress right about now – mentally. I hope that things will improve this week, otherwise I’ll be stuck.
In the meantime, I’ll try my best to post more blogs but I can’t guarantee that I’ll be posting everyday now (not least until graduation).
Every night, I sleep,
But not very deep;
Tiredness over comes
While my head is filled with different nums and sums.
My entire self is overloaded
With chores and work,
For nothing is more frustrating
Than writing reports and homework. 😞